Jesus Returns!

Montgomery, Alabama. A man was seen descending from the clouds over the state capitol building today. Some observers said they thought he looks sort of like Jesus. Billy Joe Johnson, local Baptist minister was one of them. "He said he'd come back and now he's done it." The prominent Montgomery clergyman added, "We were afraid he might descend on the Texas capitol and endorse Perry; but now it's a wide open race. Hallelujah!"

The Rt. Rev. John McKee Sloan said he was "right proud that Jesus chose his diocese to return to. It's not often we have such a distinguished visitor. This even tops the visit from the PB, referring to Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori.” He noted that it was the Church’s Advent Season, “an appropriate time for our Lord to return.”

Terror Suspect Held in Montgomery Jail

The man was immediately surrounded by law enforcement officers. Sheriff Joe Dan Brown said the man had no identification indicating that he was in the country legally. Alabama law requires that all persons carry such papers at all times. “We had to arrest him,” the sheriff said. “He looked sort of Palestinian and spoke a language no one understood.” The Montgomery Chief of Police Ben Bob Jones added, “How are we to know he’s really Jesus? He might be some sort of terrorist plotting to destroy the capitol, for Christ’s sake.”

Governor Robert Bentley said that the Department of Homeland Security had not been notified of the terrorist threat. “They’re just a bunch of leftist, atheistic commies,” the governor said. That Kenyan guy in the White House would probably grant him amnesty.”

The American Civil Liberties Union were divided on the event. ACLU lawyer Reginald Slocum said, “It is highly in appropriate to hold a sectarian religious display over the state capital.” He will be filing suit in federal court as so as he figures out who to sue.

But Betty Sue Simpson, another ACLU lawyer said she would be looking into whether the man’s civil rights had been violated.

Dr. I. Will B. Rich, local psychiatrist said he thought the man was delusional. “He definitely needs to be committed to a mental institution.”

Meanwhile street vendors have hit the streets of Montgomery selling figures of Jesus wrapped in the Confederate Battle Flag.